Men v/s Women

WIFE VS HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours"
"Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use aday... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I
would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around
here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait
for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says..........
"HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving eachother the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would
need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be thefirst to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, "Pleasewake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and hehad missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft Before the masterpiece.

Shuddha hindi !

MAn n Woman

What a woman says: "This place is a mess! C'mon, You and I need to clean up, Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears: Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON Blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I Blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR Blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES!

LOL

BruceLee

Bruce Lee's Slam Book

1. Favorite vegetable
* Mu Lee

2. Favourite Lunch
* Tha Lee

3. What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over?
* Kha Lee

4. Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?
* Saa Lee

5. Favorite Breakfast
* Id Lee

6. Favourite festival
* Diwa Lee

7. Favorite Actress
* Sona Lee

8. Favorite Music
* Qawa Lee

9. Most interesting job?
* Coo Lee

10. When did Bruce Lee die?
* Fina Lee

11. How did Bruce Lee die?
* With a Go Lee

12. Favorite hill station
* Kulu Mana Lee

13. Nick name?
* Mawa Lee

14. Favorite Hindi movie?
* Gharwa Lee Baharwa Lee

15. Favourite cricketer?
* Saurav Gangu Lee

16. Favourite Pet
* Bil Lee

17. Favourite Passtime
* Khuj Lee

18. Bathing Place
* Na Lee

laloo bhaiya

* Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply: *
* Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks Bill Gates.
* * Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference: "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted.
Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa? Par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
* *Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya.
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
*shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva. *

When I call you
1 ring means i'm thinkin of you
2 rings means i like you
3 rings means i'm missing you
4 rings means i need you
5 rings mean.. BEHRE PHONE UTTHA!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After Finishing MBBS,
Dr. Munna Starts his practice.
He Chcked 1st patient eyes,
tongue & ears by TORCh & finally said
BOLE TO..........
TORCH THEEEEK HAI
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui...
Biwi ghar main aayi...
ghar SWARG ban gaya...
aur main
SWARGWASI...

short jokes #1

Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace.
Here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you.

Hahahhahahahhaha

One more :

Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six  months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!!

Indian statue of Liberty

VaccumCleaner

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"We just moved in, & there's no electricity in the house!"